power trip / why can't you love me


i don't know what to do with this other than randomly put it out there. just .... words i related to during a confusing time of my life long ago, a time that i was never able to work thru musically / little pieces that helped and help me express how i'm feeling.

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i'm fun and full of life you say, i wake up sleeping men that way.

they fall in such an awkward way outside of what's allowed. 

 

but every wrong turn you make will also be my mistake

cause we're connected through our hearts.

 

i couldn't change him if i tried.

i couldn't be his doll if i wanted to.

 

he was like a perfect storm, just cold enough to keep me warm.

he woke me like the light of day and broke everything in his way. 

 

temper, looks like a bomb went off on my side of the room.

simple, say you fell and you hurt yourself, 

pick the glass up, get the bloom. 

 

he grabs my wrists as my fingers turn into angry fists.

and i whisper, why can't you love me? 

i'll change for you, i'll play the part. 

 

watching my parents made me look for something destructive 

and there you were. 

 

i don't want to have to be angry at you. 

i don't want to have to blame it on my father. 

i don't want to feel sick around you, but i do.

 

you're scaring me, i wanna go home. 

i can't believe i'm saying this but leave me alone. 

 

but you can blame it on me 

and the person you thought i wanted you to be.

 

i lie cause i'm shameful. 

my movements weak, eyes dull. 

a complete loss of control.

 

and i'd rather be alone than end up inside a home 

like the one i came from. 

 

the way in which i fear is solely a reflection of you. 

the devastating child of the power trip you put me through. 

 

the winds of your ego, the waves of my tears 

made the most perfect almighty storm that we've seen this year.

 

we were never meant to be lovers, 

we just mirrored each other's self destructiveness. 

 

after he left us, everything went dark. 

she's all that matters, she's my only little spark. 

 

there's no apparent link between the day he said he'd leave 

and my recurring dreams and how i just can't sleep 

until i had a drink or five. 

 

until you come back, until you react, 

i'll make sure that you see how much i can take. 

i'll bend and i'll bend until i break.

 

we were gonna win. and i would wait for him. 

i understood his pain, cause i had felt the same. 

 

three years waiting in distress and christmas in my favorite dress.

he didn't say much so i guessed, and then he left me there to clean his mess.

 

they failed to explain how complex love is, 

like why i mostly miss him as a friend. 

or how much of a blow it is for my ego, 

that she might be better for him. 

 

please don't blame me for trying to fix this one last time, 

i have a hard time as it is. 

 

you were always there to walk me home, 

with you not here the streets i roam. 

 

i never claimed to be flawless, i owned up to my faults. 

your were subtle, painful betrayal. 

but i see what you did, both good and bad. 

 

there's two sides to our story and mine gets all the fame. 

i frolic in the glory and you buckle in the shame. 

 

i had to beg for help , 

got it from someone else.

 

he told me he would leave her, that i just had to wait. 

but i guess you had to be there since you can't relate. 

 

snap your fingers, i'll come running. 

leave again when you're bored of me. 

 

tell me how much you want me and i'll be naked, stumbling. 

just to get a reaction, any sign of love. 

 

go back to your other life, 

kiss your kids and hug your wife. 

and pretend you're not living a lie.

 

and the road that leads up to my bed

is paved with broken promises. 

hardest ever lesson learned:

they never leave their wives.

 

the truth is just too loud, i can't get exposed. 

i've never been this thin, 

does he know how much pain i'm in?

 

i'm tired now, i'll see you when i wake up. 

i've heard it's pretty where you are. 

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